New Year’s Day – Went to Bridgnorth on a whim. Let’s go back in spring, take a train ride, walk by the castle walls and see the buildings all petite and crumbling.

It’s pretty even though it’s raining hard.

I’ve got various items listed on eBay at the moment, so do take a look if you’re interested in the odd RPG or unwanted DVD. Selling off a few forgotten things means I can pay my council tax and enjoy the extra space. I do detest clutter.

A few of the games listed must be reasonably rare, as they’ve attracted a fair few bids and questions thus far. I’m keeping my Final Fantasy collection, my rarest titles, and those I love too much to part with. Gotta save something for the next bill, right?

CLICK TO VIEW ALL EBAY LISTINGS

End as you mean to go on. Or should that be start? We’re on the edge of 2011, staring down the barrel of 2012. I’m wrapping up this mad, tangled year with a cup of tea and a seat by the fire, basking in the glow of twenty-one successful eBay listings and the wonderful news that one of my poems has been published in the latest issue of Railroad. It’s a good way to wrap up 2011, and before I look ahead I would like to look back at everything else that’s occurred.

2011 was the year I…

…left the country.

At the end of February, after months of planning, I quit my job in the bookshop and travelled across the United States. They were the best weeks of my life. I cannot understate my gratitude and love for the people I met, the friends I made, lessons learned and experiences enjoyed. I wish I could do it all again only this time without it ending. Relive my USA adventure: here, here , here and here.

…recorded an audiobook.

Marley is probably the hardest working person I know. He keeps an eye on us unruly artists with his production company, Naplew Productions, and seems to have an endless supply of creative projects and brilliant ideas. I love him and loved working with him on the Fight the Sky audiobook, the making of which almost killed me, but I do adore the end result. Have you downloaded it yet? Have you laughed at my pitiful croaking towards the end?

…released Revolve.

2010 was all about my short stories collection. This year I released a second book under the Painting Lies imprint, a poetry collection called Revolve. It collects together pieces from 2004, right up to my return from America at the start of this year. I’m proud of it. Poetry is personal and it can be daunting to “get it out there” and into people’s hands, but I’ve managed it with this little book. I was also thrilled that the GoodReads promotional giveaway attracted over 700 entries from around the world. Still waiting on that first Amazon review, though…

…lived in a tent.

Between May and mid-October I lived in a tent in The Netherlands, working for a holiday company. I did this because I wanted to try something new, and also because I wanted the experience of working abroad. It was testing and an emotional drain at times, but I’m glad I did it. I met some wonderful people, got really into baking and fell head over heels in love with Holland. It’s best summed up by the poem I wrote, All Roads Lead To Duinhell.

…made a comeback.

After moving back to England, I went back from whence I came (for a short time, at least). I got a temporary position at the bookshop again. I sold a few books, found a few familiar, friendly faces, and slipped back into the routine of Wake, Work, Curse The Rail Service, Repeat.

…finished a novel.

I started writing a story, Doors, in May 2010, after Fight the Sky was published. I took it seriously then and still do now. On New Year’s Eve 2010 I completed the first draft, and have spent all of 2011 re-drafting and crafting it into something nigh on presentable. I’m happy with it and plan to publish it in the summer, if all goes to plan…

…started a new novel.

In November I set my heart on a follow-up to Doors. This will conclude the overall story, and kiss goodbye to another chapter of my life. For now, I’m calling this second novel Flipside. It’s still early days but it’s good to have that first draft creativity flowing again.

…lived alone.

Two days after returning from Holland, I moved into my own place. I’m in love with the solitude and can’t complain for all the space and opportunity I have to write, which is really all I’ve ever wanted to do. I know I can’t keep it forever, so I’m going to enjoy Solo Life while it lasts, and get as much out of it as possible. The day will come when I have to force my infurirating habits and obsessive behaviours on other human beings again, so we all might as well enjoy the peace for the time being.

…walked away.

There have been no specific confrontations, but I’ve walked away from many situations this year. I have no interest in struggling over things, or fretting, or worrying who or what or when I’ve caused an upset. At the beginning of 2011 I decided to Just Roll With It, and it’s a philosophy I can see myself sticking with. No arguments, no unnecessary emotion, no chasing after people or letting myself get hurt. Just pick yourself up and get on with it. Walk away if you have to. And if you can mend it later, try.

2012 is the year I will…

…try veganism.

I’ve been harking on about this for a few years now, and this time I mean to try. Since moving back to England I’ve been gradually removing dairy from my diet, and I think I’ll do okay. I can give this a decent chance. If It doesn’t work for me, I’ll be able to say I gave it serious effort. Here goes nothin’.

…publish a(nother) book.

Doors is coming. I want the second half ready by the end of the year. Push push push yourself apply apply apply and make somebody take notice.

…spread the word rather thin.

I will enter writing competitions (even the ones there is no hope of winning), I will find a writing group, I will talk to more writers, I will Get Myself Out There, I will try and I will believe. I will be nice. And most importantly, I will enjoy.

…study.

There’s a small plan forming, involving a course in the spring, and if all goes well, another in the summer. I don’t know what will come of it so I’m saying nothing more for now, in case it never happens. But I know self-improvement is an on going, wondrous thing that doesn’t come easy, so I’m taking steps over the next twelve months to progress myself further. There is always something you can be better at.

I’m looking forward to reading everybody’s hopes and resolutions for the New Year. I hope everybody enters it happy and achieves what they set out to. And hey, if the world’s still around at the close, maybe we can have this conversation again.

I think I’m just going to have it pulled. Yanked out of my head, with archaic methods they really should look into improving, preferably whilst under sedation. The most cringe-inducing part is knowing even if it doesn’t hurt, I’m going to cry like a baby and make a dick of myself, because I’m scared of scared of dentists by default. Even if they’re really nice people and the procedure doesn’t hurt a bit. Blergh.

Let’s look at pictures of pretty things and pretend there are no such things as teeth or dentists or drills or antiobiotics or teeth at all, really. What hopeless things.

On Wednesday I went to Cardiff with Susan, just because we’d never been before and thought it would make a nice change. It’s a lovely city, with lots of nice old buildings and all that, a gorgeous secondhand bookshop hidden away in one of the many arcades, and a castle at the end of the high street. As you do.

We walked, shopped, indulged in decadent hot chocolate, coffee and cake…

I got a few ideas for Christmas gifts (not going mad this year, ready for the impersonal onslaught of scented soap I’ll receive in return), and bought Jack’s birthday presents (he turned 22 on the 8th). I’ve also posted off cards to friends in America and other foreign lands, so they should be well on their way by now. I usually leave it to the last minute, panic and forget somebody, so here’s to being organised for a change.

More pretty things? There was a market similar to Birmingham’s Frankfurt market, and also a labyrinthine shopping centre we got lost in more than once.

We also walked down to Millennium Stadium and saw tributes left for Gary Speed…touching. We didn’t find the sea because it was too cold/I didn’t fancy being blown away and never seen again.

It was a nice day out, as days out go. I’d like to go again when I can afford to pay £11 to walk around a castle…yikes!

I also found out this week that one of my poems, Wisp, is probably going to be published in the next issue of Railroad. This excites me. I feel like I’ve made positive steps with my poetry this year, and potentially having something printed by such an inspiring project is brilliant. If you’re not already a Railroader, click the link and be enlightened! I’ll be sure to spam you all when the issue is released.

Right. Time for a cup of tea and an hour spent in the company of mad rabbits and Titus Awakes, the lost book of Gormenghast I’m finally reading. Mervyn Peake possessed an incomparable imagination. Let me into your head, sir, so I can watch the cogs as they whir.

I showed Kelly how to make my increasingly popular lemon cheesecake…we made one for the Eurocamp boss and another for ourselves. I shared most of mine out, then scoffed the rest for breakfast. Epic. I’ve been baking like a mad one recently – I made a top secret chocolate birthday cake yesterday (but forgot to take photos, whaaaaat! If any happens to last the day, I’ll try to get a snap of it), and should also be making a creamy mandarin cheesecake before the weekend’s done. Next week also sees the resurrection of Death By Chocolate, with Todd as my willing apprentice. Cue dramatic music!

On Wednesday a few of us went on a mission to find the ark. As in, the one belonging to Noah. A customer came dashing into reception one day asking if I’d been to see the ark in Dordrecht…no, I said, no I haven’t seen the ark. But I want to. And I will.

So I did.

Me, Daf, Eilidh and Fran cycled to Den Haag, then caught the train to Dordrecht. After a nice riverside walk, we found the ark. It’s bloody huge. It’s a full-scale replica  being built for the 2012 olympic games…apparently it’s going to sail up the Thames as part of the opening ceremony. You can’t say the Dutch aren’t ambitious!

There was a lifesize statue of a giraffe on the top deck. Giraffes are big, but this one was dwarfed by the sheer unnecessary size of the ark. It was awesome; I’m looking forward to seeing it on TV next year and saying I saw it being built.

Dordrecht as a city was very nice; lots of historic buildings and monuments, like so many other Dutch dwellings. The centre was quite spread out so it took us a while to walk around. Definitely a place you need a full day to explore.

We cycled back to Wassenaar in the rain, which was surprisingly pleasant, and chilled in the evening. Thursday was another day off for me, one I made good use of. In the morning I cycled to Leiden to visit Sieboldhuis, then afterwards baked the aforementioned cake, before cycling to Leiden again in the evening with Kelly, so we could get Starbucks and people-watch!

Sieboldhuis is a museum of Japanese paraphenalia and historic items, all belonging to a Dutchman called Siebold who lived in the 19th Century. The collection is housed in what was his actual residence, and it was really interesting to see what he had collected over his lifetime. Taxidermied animals, handmade maps, plants, fabric, paper, models, and so on…there’s also an exhibition of Hello Kitty memorabilia there at the moment, which was cute.

There was a section in the Hello Kitty exhibit dedicated to Lady Gaga. Love her or hate her, the photographs are fantastic. There was also a dress she’d worn in a shoot.

My kind of kitty!

The outside of the museum.

I might check out a few more museums before I go back, if I can find others that interest me. It doesn’t hurt to experience a bit of culture. I had no idea the Dutch had such a connection with the Japanese, so I’m glad I visited. It makes me want to go to Japan even more!

I think I’m going to work on a poem, a little something to sum up my summer. Could I really put any of this into words? I might try. It’ll be something to focus on whilst I hunt for employment and avoid finishing off my book. Now, where to start?

I had a nice few days off. I feel low as I type this but that might be because every day from now until the end of season is the same and my brain isn’t quite ready to cope. Or maybe I’m still in shock from being mauled by an unidentified flying beastie yesterday, one which bit me violently on the neck and didn’t even leave a phone number. Not the first time I’ve used that sentence, folks. Anyway, the swelling’s gone down, which is fortunate. It wouldn’t do for me to be killed by a villainous insect. History dictates the poets must die of tuberculosis, or a pleasant bout of syphilis. What was it that got Byron in the end? Infamy?

Here are photographs from the past few days. You can try and make sense of this or enjoy it as a pleasant blur, whatever works for you. The days involved Amsterdam in the rain, a fantastic meal at Legend, Delft cheese slicers, unnecessary bagels, windy beaches and more cake than you could possibly wish for.

Jack with Ash, one of his friends who also visited.

I wanted my mum to sample the lemon cheesecake I made for Amy, so I replicated it. It made for amazing breakfast.

Susan being a tourist in Delft.

Me looking awkward and windswept.

A banana, cinnamon and maple syrup bagel.

In a crisis I bake cupcakes. These vanilla and chocolate darlings went down a storm. I thought they were too pretty to eat, but apparently not.

I made continental breakfasts. If you let me I will spoil you.

Through the haze you might find a windy, wet Scheveningen.

My quest for cakes is taking me down increasingly ambitious paths. Four bars of expensive dark chocolate, two sticks of butter, vanilla extract, muscovado sugar and the lord only knows what else went into this devil’s food cake, which I have suitably renamed Death By Chocolate. Seriously, this bitch deserves its own dramatic entrance music.

Recipe available on request. If you want to murder somebody with cake, this will most certainly do the trick. /Professor Plum, in the kitchen, with chocolate cake/. Eat it with fresh cream or vanilla ice cream or melted white chocolate drizzled on top or something equally sweet, for the love of God. Nobody managed to eat very much, but that’s okay; I gave the remaining slices to my roommate. If anybody can tame this beast, it’s him and his hollow legs.

That’ll do. I baked a lot, covered a few miles in the rain, didn’t do any aimless stycling. Ate too much, spoke too much, spent too much. It’s about all you can ask for on days off. Speaking of which, when’s the next one?

Rest is for the dead! Sleep is for the weak! Stationary is not an option! Etc. etc. With those words of wisdom in mind, my two days off last week were spent stycling around on a mad mission to do myself in. Lord knows how many kilometres I covered, but it was a few too many. Pushing yourself to the limit feels good at the time, but afterwards…I ache.

I’ve seen new places, had some adventures. Every second spent pedalling in pain was worth it.

Haarlem

I wasn’t that taken with Haarlem, in all honesty. I enjoyed the early morning ride to Leiden, and the train was as efficient as every other mode of transport in Holland, but the city wasn’t all that memorable. I would’ve enjoyed it more if it wasn’t tipping it down with rain, but even then, it wasn’t the most special of places. The shops can all be found elsewhere, as well as the cafes…it was worth the train fare to see the organ inside the Basilika, played by a 10-year-old Mozart, but I won’t be rushing back.

Gouda

Gouda was great – Thursdays is market day, so I got to see the traders dressed in traditional costume, and witnessed the weighing of the cheese! I’ve never seen so much cheese in my life. Free samples were given out so I took advantage, and also took a good look around St. John the Baptist’s church, which has the most beautiful stained glass windows I’ve ever seen. Pictures can’t do them justice.

To get to Gouda I caught the train from Den Haag after another lovely morning cycle. On my way back to camp Amy text me to say her, Sophie and Mike 4 (one of the new Canvas reps replacing the ones mentioned in an earlier post) were in Leiden to take a boat trip along the canals. I stycled like my life depended on it and got there in the nick of time…

We stopped by Subway, raided the British food shop (I resisted the biscuits and cake…somehow) then cycled back. I was dead by this point. I haven’t been that knackered since the 35km death cycle to Zoetermeer and back on my orientation.

The days off ended with vanilla chai tea, Strepsils (I sounded like a man for a while there) and episodes of Bones…always a good way to wrap up a burst of sightseeing. It’s yet another busy week of work and I’m ready to drop. Got to fit everything in whilst I’m still out here. There’ll be no looking back and thinking I wish I did that or I wish I went there. Just get it done, go whilst you’re able. Oh, and don’t forget to smile.

Let’s finish this off with something short and sweet…remember I mentioned the Moleskine notebook I filled whilst travelling to Bruges? I’ve hidden it inside a favourite book of mine. I wonder if anybody’s found it yet…

On Katwijk Beach

I’m putting a piece of myself
inside a book
for a stranger
to find.
Asked myself all day
what to feel about this,
sad to say
I got nothin
at all.
Sharing my secrets,
baring this animal soul.
Why does it not cut me?
Because I believe
who finds it
won’t read it.
It is fine
if I let it be fine.
That I’ve tried
says there’s courage,
there is lion in me.
On a beach
six kilometres at least
from those who know me,
walkers staring for they see
solitary, one girl,
writing on parchment
with a parched throat
in old clothes
and there’s no one
for her to share
the sea with,
or sand.
Well do ask me, passers-by,
know in truth that
all is grand.
Must take a full minute
where I don’t think
or wonder
or worry.
Then on my feet,
off I go,
to face the morning’s
new story.
Meet me there in the bookshop,
though I’ll leave
in a hurry.

(24.8.2011)

Nothing’s changed, I’m pleased to say. Bruges is a beautiful purgatory; the biggest danger there is that you’ll fall in love and never leave.

To get there, I was in Amsterdam bright and early. I caught a Thalys train around 11am and reached Brussels in the early afternoon. From there it was a case of finding a train to Bruges, and then enjoying the half hour walk across town to the Europ Hotel. It felt so good to be back. Once I’d checked in I had the remainder of the afternoon and an entire evening to drift around, which is exactly what I did.

I slept like the dead. I didn’t set an alarm. Angels sang for it was glorious, etc. etc.

My train back to Amsterdam from Brussels wasn’t leaving until around 7pm, so I had plenty of time in the day to revisit the sights. I walked along the canals, went up the bell tower, visited the churches…everything I did last time I was there, but it wasn’t boring. It was just good to be away. After months of sleeping in a damp, ‘orrible tent, a night in a hotel was a luxury I can’t put a price on. For one night it was an expensive trip but worth it. I could live there, or die there. Guess that depends on how you look at it.

It’s worth noting that whilst out there I wrote something momentous. I crammed my entire life into a poem that’s sixty four pages long, an entire Moleskine ruled journal. It’s mad and unruly and difficult to read, but I’m proud of it. I might type up extracts but I doubt I’ll ever put the whole thing out there. My deepest darkest secrets are thrown in, along with best memories and things I’d rather forget. It is, quite literally, everything there is to know. I am sixty four small pages of words.

As well as satiating my increasingly demanding need to roam, this week I’ve also been baking. Here’s the strawberries & cream sponge cake I made for Lucy’s birthday:

Beautiful, no? Amy’s birthday is soon so I’m going to try out a slight variation on a lemon cheesecake recipe, see how it goes. There will be pictures if I don’t scoff the whole damn thing myself before the camera warms up. To thank Beth and Dan for allowing me to hijack their oven, I baked chocolate brownies and cupcakes, too:

And this little beauty was baked in a casserole dish, because we ran out of cake tins:

I want to attempt a Christmas cake when I get home, or something equally ambitious. I hope I find somewhere to live so I can rule my own kitchen like a miniature empire of flour, sugar and low fat margarine.

The riots at home are frightening. I understand how frustrated people feel but when it turns to mindless violence, it’s hard to be sympathetic. Seeing photos of Tottenham and Birmingham burning was like looking at pictures of a war ravaged land. Horrible. We tear each other apart because the prospect of attack is more glamorous than sitting down and looking for a solution. On a purely selfish level I just want everyone I love to be safe, whichever city they’re in, and for these thugs who fight for the sake of fighting to drop dead. I don’t know what the answer is, I just know it’s not going to be found by looting and deliberately trying to harm the police. Did Darwin’s theory of evolution extend to the part where we start going backwards?

Let’s end this on a less depressing note. Coffee. Don’t you love it? Douwe Egberts is my delicious Dutch discovery and new addiction; I hope you can buy it in the UK. I also spent €7 on a packet of Starbucks VIA Caramel Coffee from C1000, and it’s possibly the best thing I ever did. We’re talking life-changing, folks. A mug of it with a bowl of porridge and a banana first thing in the morning…no arguments here, it’s a damn fine breakfast.

Oh, how I miss my red hair! We’re Facebook acquaintances brought together by the lovely Cassie, so without her this art would not exist.

I think I’m going a bit madder this week. I’ve just done something irresponsible with my credit card, so maybe that’ll make me feel better for a while. I’m going to curl up with season five of Bones tonight and hope that Vincent Nigel-Murray, the world’s greatest intern, puts in a few appearances. Here’s hoping!

Can I say a big happy birthday to Harry Potter, what a guy! I am still waiting on my letter from Hogwarts. Any day now. Any day.

I’m still caught between love and loathing for this predicament I’m in. On one hand I enjoy the blurry days, late nights, living on coffee and whatever I can find, and on the other I hate the complete lack of sleep, the cold, the boredom. It’s all about finding moments, I guess, the ones you’ll keep hold of afterwards. 2am this very morning is one example – taking off our clothes, running down the beach and into the sea, singing the same line from a song over and over again until it’s lost all meaning. More moments could be made in a week or so, when four of us girls are planning to take a train to Paris for a couple of days. I’m still in love with Paris, I hope and pray we get there. Most of me will be tempted to not come back.

I got paid this week. The one extravagance will be Paris, and apart from that, I’m living as basically as possible. I’ve got to start thinking about England and where I might live when I get there. I’ve looked at a couple of studio apartments in Birmingham, which is the likeliest place to end up, but part of me’s tempted to try a brand new city. I don’t know. I just want to travel. I want to go to Japan then America, Italy and Mallorca. I hate that the only thing keeping you from doing what you love is little bits of paper with faces on. And if you want to get those pieces of paper, enough to be able to go everywhere, you have to kill yourself with effort. Well, that’s what it feels like to me. To some people it seems to just slot into place. Can we get a serving of luck over here, please?

My mind moves to Nat, who’s going to Japan to teach for a year. I’m proud and excited and envious all at once. I’m going to miss her so much, but we have Twitter, and I hope we keep sending each other letters. I’ve had letters from her and Nomes so far, not heard much from many others. The world moves on, I guess!

Anyway. I managed to see a couple of new places last week:

Delft is gorgeous. I’m going to go back on a sunny day with my proper camera (I took this with my BlackBerry) and take photos of all of the wonderful buildings. There’s a cafe there called Bagels & Beans that’s amazing.

I want to go back to Haarlem, too, even though I didn’t think the city centre was anything special. I didn’t get to go inside this magnificent cathedral, and I get the feeling it’s something that has to be seen.

Scheveningen is a nice beach town with a pier (complete with bungy tower) and plenty of bars to lounge around in. We cycled there through the sand dunes and just had a great afternoon on the beach, burying Mike. I also had a hot waffle with sugar…took me back to Bruges and the homemade waffle shop! If I get two consecutive days off in September, I’m considering a trip to Bruges. Why the hell not? In fact, I’m definitely doing it. Don’t stop me.

My next day off is Wednesday…I haven’t decided where to go yet. I’ll get up, go to Den Haag or Leiden depending on which way I walk out of the campsite, and get on a train. There’s a whole country out there and I want to see all that I can. Plus, it means I get to have Starbucks for breakfast…some things don’t change.

If we walk for forty minutes we can reach the local beach. Iona, Jack and myself cycled down there at half four in the morning one time, just to catch the sunrise.

Wassenaar has the necessary shops, such as a couple of supermarkets, a music shop, cafés and so on, but not much else. Luckily we’re situated between several of Holland’s cities, so it’s easy enough to jump on a bus on your day off and go somewhere. These are some of the places I go to when I get chance…

Leiden

A beautiful town filled with history and canals. Lovely. And they have Starbucks!!!

Den Haag

Probably my favourite city. It’s sprawling, has gorgeous architecture, tons to see and do…just watch out for the trams!

Amsterdam

The most infamous city in Holland, but if you look past the sleaze and haze of cannabis, you’ll actually find it’s a nice place to visit.

Rotterdam

I haven’t been up the [Euromast] yet, so I want to go back at least once more and do that, but what I’ve liked what I’ve seen of Rotterdam so far. As a city it’s quite spread out and very busy, the kind of place you need a whole day and lots of money to make the most of. A nice balance of historical and contemporary, though, and lots to see and do.

This little cupcake shop is amazing…what a wonderful job.

Before the season ends I’d like to go to Delft (POTTERY!), Gouda (CHEESE!), Zaanse Schans (WINDMILLS AND CLOGS!) and Eindhoven, though the latter’s further away. I’m enjoying being here. It’s very beautiful – West Midlands, take note.

There are a couple of things I miss about home…first thing that springs to mind is, of course, my previously strict ongoing surveillance of all things Rafael Nadal. I know he lost Wimbledon (Nole deserves it, the way he’s going this year) but can I just take a moment to say VAAAAMMMMOOOOSSSSS for that legendary sixth French Open title, which I wish I had witnessed, but delights me nonetheless. Let’s take a moment to appreciate this fine specimen of the human race:

Other things I’m missing…
- I suppose family and friends come into it somewhere.
- My rabbits. So very much.
- Having Heinz vegetable soup on tap.
- Proper English custard and proper English sponge cake.
- Fox’s crunch cream biscuits.
- My PS3! I forgot to even bring my DS or PSP out with me, what a pillock.
- All of the clothes I couldn’t fit in the case.
- Having an oven so I can bake whenever I feel like it.

Regarding the last point, I’ve been able to get a few things made. The cupcakes, of course, for Courier Christmas were the first, and I’ve since made a cheesecake which I managed not to take any pictures of. It was glorious, I assure you. Can’t forget about these beauties, either…

…looking good, right?! I want to attempt a jam tart at some point, if it ain’t too ambitious, and I’m also hoping to make a birthday cake for one of the girls. I’m starting to think I’m a project person, which I never saw myself as before. I always thought I was fine with drifting listlessly, just seeing where life takes me, but I’m thinking not. I’ve always known I’m driven, but this year I’m finding out just how far I take it sometimes. When my mind fixes on something I don’t seem able to stop until I get there, which could be useful considering what I aim to do with my writing. It’s good to dedicate yourself to every decision, which I do 100% when I decide what to bake, when I chose to quit my job and fly to America, when I say I’m going to find my own place when I get home and have a room just for books.

Oh yeah, I should probably elaborate on that. I’m not going back to my house, or at least I don’t plan to, unless I’m in a body bag. I don’t know how much money I have or how far I can get or even if I’ll get anywhere at all, but I’m going to try to find something that’s mine. It’s about time.