The list is in reading order, rather than alphabetical.

2011 READING LIST

• Oscar Wilde and the Ring of Death – Gyles Brandreth
• Palo Alto – James Franco
• Byron: Life and Legend - Fiona MacCarthy
• The Ladies of Grace Adieu – Susanna Clarke
• House of Leaves – Mark Z. Danielewski
• Talking About Detective Fiction – P.D. James
• The Border Trilogy – Cormac McCarthy
• Needful Things – Stephen King
• Coffee with Oscar Wilde – Merlin Holland
• Catch-22 – Joseph Heller
• Flowers for Algernon – Daniel Keyes
• Coffee with Shakespeare – Stanley W. Wells
• The Colorado Kid – Stephen King
• Cycle of the Werewolf – Stephen King
• The Wind-up Girl – Paolo Bacigalupi
• Child of God – Cormac McCarthy
• The Great Shakespeare Fraud – Patricia Pierce
• Heart of Darkness – Joseph Conrad
• Dracula: The Undead – Dacre Stoker
• Oscar Wilde and the Dead Man’s Smile – Gyles Brandreth
• Small Gods – Terry Pratchett
• Our Tragic Universe – Scarlett Thomas
• The Sunset Limited – Cormac McCarthy
• Cell – Stephen King
• A Game of Thrones - George R. R. Martin
• Yes Man – Danny Wallace
• Shutter Island – Dennis Lehane
• Matilda – Roald Dahl
• No Country For Old Man – Cormac McCarthy
• The Talisman - Stephen King & Peter Straub
• The Good Man Jesus and the Scoundrel Christ - Philip Pullman
• Among Thieves – Douglas Hulick
• A Clash of Kings – George R. R. Martin
• A Storm of Swords: Steel and Snow – George R. R. Martin
• A Storm of Swords: Blood and Gold – George R. R. Martin
• Stephen King’s N – Marvel Graphic Novel
• The Once and Future King – T. H. White
• The Winter Ghosts – Kate Mosse
• Burton & Swinburne in the Curious Case of the Clockwork Man – Mark Hodder
• Temeraire – Naomi Novik
• Who Said the Race is Over? – Anno Birkin
• 11.22.63 – Stephen King
• Inheritance – Christopher Paolini
• The Last Hero – Terry Pratchett
• The American Boy – Andrew Taylor
• Treasure Island – Robert Louis Stevenson
• The Radleys – Matt Haig
• Titus Awakes – Maeve Gilmore & Mervyn Peake
• Young Romantics – Daisy Hay
• The Night Circus – Erin Morgenstern
• Mr Pye – Mervyn Peake
• Wuthering Heights – Emily Bronte

Total books read in 2011: 54.
Total number of pages: 22, 377.

My Favourite Books in 2011

Byron: Life and Legend - Fiona MacCarthy

I was certainly born in the wrong era. To have lived in the time of the Romantics, the Cockney circle, the great poets I’ve been in love with for so long, would have been an honour. Would I have appreciated it at the time, or would I have been too involved with my (probable) tuberculosis? I’d like to think I’d be a scullery maid dangerously obsessed with Lord B, writing long letters in which I attempt to self myself to him for a single night of scandal. Fiona MacCarthy’s biography of Byron is rightly viewed as one of the definitive texts concerning the great man’s genius for poetry, and controversial personal life. It is flawless, so compelling I will never be parted from it. I will read it many more times, and though I’ve read other biographies since and will pick up many others in years to come, I can see myself always willingly returning to this one. A joy to read.

The Border Trilogy - Cormac McCarthy

This is one of the greatest works of fiction I’ve ever had the pleasure to read. I took it across America with me, and I can’t think of a better situation in which to enjoy it. Cormac McCarthy writes beautiful, haunting pieces, and everything of his that I’ve encountered has been brilliant, but the three novels that make up The Border Trilogy rise above everything else. My particular favourite was the second part, The Crossing, but I loved everything about it, and again, this is a book I plan to read many more times before my eyes cave in. Read the blurb, seek out reviews, ask a bookseller, I don’t care – if you want a story that will move you, both in terms of its emotional depth and the grand scale of its journey, these stories are for you.

House of Leaves - Mark Z. Danielewski

This is a re-read that deserves recognition, because this is the work that’s perhaps had the single biggest influence on my prose at present. Danielewski’s fearless experiments with page format and presentation inspired me to push my own work in directions I hadn’t thought of before, and visiting the House of Leaves early this year proved to be the perfect motivation for sticking with and working hard at my novel, Doors. It’s a frantic, disturbing work that will entrance some, and test the patience of many others. I find it frightening; it stays with me for days. Parts of it make me cringe away from myself. It’s a powerful book, and a beautiful one, too. Read it in a quiet place and don’t forget it isn’t real.

A Feast for Crows – George R. R. Martin

I include this book, but really I refer to A Song of Ice and Fire as a whole. This series took over my life this summer; after long days working in Holland, I would creep back to my tent, zip myself into my sleeping bag, and read a few pages by torchlight. A Feast for Crows is the highlight of a wickedly addictive set of books, the first of which has been brought to life on TV as HBO’s Game of Thrones. I have no idea who’s going to win said game (the series is still a lengthy work in progress), but I can’t wait to find out. Unbeatable fantasy fiction. I’m a little bit in love with Jaime Lannister, but who isn’t?

Wuthering Heights – Emily Bronte

It’s the last book I read in 2011, but also one of the best. It’s a classic I’ve always meant to read and I’m so very glad I got around to it. It’s got a wonderful emotional depth that moved me, and though I’m not one for romance, it’s a haunting story I can see myself enjoying many more times in the years to come. Now, how to choose one of the many film and TV adaptations to watch?

I’ve set myself a 2012 Reading Challenge on Goodreads (I completed my challenge of 50 books for 2011, hooray!). This year I want to read 60 books. I reckon I can do it; remember the dizzy heights of 2010 when I managed over 80?

To take my mind off the grind, I had a think about the things I depend upon. We get told that material possessions are evil and that greed will kill us all, which I’m sure is true. Still, it’s nice to find meaning in objects. They don’t even have to be terribly expensive to be lovely. Here are a few of my treasures.

What crowds my desk

I have two working typewriters, both salvaged from the wasteland of second-hand neglect, and I love them. They’re old, loud and redundant. To me they mean progress – I sat and transcribed the first draft of Doors on the one pictured here, turning it from a mess of handwritten notes into a coherent narrative. Every heavy clack of the keys says I’m getting somewhere.

What drips from my head

It’s nice to see my own books, whether in a bookshop, on a website, or in somebody’s hands. Seeing the spare copies and proofs I have lined up on my desk reminds me of the hard work I’ve done so far, and how much further there is still to go until I do my imagination justice. I have become one of those people incapable of rest.

What gets me thinking

My complete works of Shakespeare (I have more than one edition, but this is the prettiest) was found in a charity shop for next to nothing. Never say no to such finds – how somebody could part with it I’ll never know. I do not ever intend to. Next to it is my 209-year-old copy of A Winter’s Tale, because it is the oldest thing I own. I paid 50p for it in Hay-on-Wye. It pays to seek out the crumbling relics hidden in shop corners, sometimes.

What I come wrapped in

I’d never claim to be fashionable, but like any girl, I love my wardrobe. Fuck Narnia, get me a direct route to Topshop and I’d be quite happy! I have favourite things which I wear to death, like the vintage knee-high boots I bought from Camden Town all those years ago, or the flowery Republic dress that gets me through most debauched nights. Familiar clothes are comfort. Never be afraid to wear the same thing twice ninety thousand times.

What covers my ears

Can you call hair a possession? Well, I just did. Maybe mine’s more of a feature. Whatever it is, red is my favourite colour, and the one I think suits me best. Bright, dark, up, down, straight, curled, wavy, knotted from a long night without a comb. My hair says a lot about my personality. It’s loud, a tangled mess, tough to ignore and will not do as it is told.

What lurks in the cupboard

Ingredients are strange bits and pieces that make beautiful cakes, or granola, or savoury dishes, or pie. Mostly cakes, though, if you’re round at my place. The alchemy of food is magic. Over this past year I’ve learnt to enjoy cooking for myself, and baking for others. It’s a true pleasure.

What my eyes are glued to

I’ve grown up playing video games. I have all the time in the world for them and no time for people who blame them for awful children and their occasional lapses into psychotic behaviour. My PS3 (and PS2, DS, Megadrive, Gameboy, etc…) is entertainment, gateway to other worlds. Ones usually filled with CGI Asian pretty boys, and days’ worth of headaches and level building. Love it.

What fills my shelves

I really need to get a goddamn bookcase. Good grief. Books are precious to me, as they are to most everyone. Words are powerful weapons, whether ones used for ill-gain or comfort. Stack your books high and appreciate the fact that you can read, that others write, and that so many unbelievable thoughts have already been put to paper.

What takes me places

If you’d told me this time last year that I’d end 2011 in love with a kids’ bike with bright pink wheels, I would’ve told you to fuck right off. Alas, here we are. The Stycle is still off-road on account of it being an embarrassment (see also: dodgy brakes, even dodgier gears, crooked handlebars and a wonky front wheel), but I can’t wait to get it back. Just a shame Britain doesn’t have as excellent a cycle lane system as Holland. I miss long bike rides to Leiden.

What aches at the end of the day

The last on this list must be these unsightly things. Feet, my friend, feet! How many places have they taken me this year alone? Across continents and beaches, up and down the same stairs each day, across the road outside my home. Still so many places left to go. One of my favourite things to do, if I’m restless or stressed, is to put my headphones on and walk, lost in thought. If you asked me to choose between cutting my arms off or my legs, I’d go for the arms and hope I could learn to write with a pen between my teeth, because really, I would miss walking all too much.

This list is in reading order, rather than alphabetical.

2010 READING LIST

• Stephen King’s The Dark Tower: Treachery [Marvel Graphic Novel]
• ‘salem’s Lot – Stephen King
• The Little Prince – Antoine de Saint-Exupery
• One Piece vol. 20 – Eiichiro Oda
• Insomnia – Stephen King
• Howl’s Moving Castle – Diana Wynne-Jones
• Titus Groan – Mervyn Peake
• Byron in Love – Edna O’Brien
• Reaper Man – Terry Pratchett
• Telling Tales – Melissa Katsoulis
• Perfume – Patrick Suskind
• Cujo – Stephen King
• Gasoline – Dame Darcy
• Gormenghast – Mervyn Peake
• The Running Man – Stephen King as Richard Bachman
• Eats, Shoots and Leaves – Lynne Truss
• Stephen King’s The Dark Tower: Fall of Gilead [Marvel Graphic Novel]
• The City & The City – China Mieville
• The End of Mr. Y – Scarlett Thomas
• Titus Alone – Mervyn Peake
• The Rise of the Iron Moon – Stephen Hunt
• Duma Key – Stephen King
• Under the Dome – Stephen King
• The Book Thief – Markus Zusak
• The Historian – Elizabeth Kostova
• The Secrets of the Chess Machine – Robert Lohr
• American Psycho – Bret Easton-Ellis
• Oscar Wilde and the Candlelight Murders – Gyles Brandreth
• Keats – Andrew Motion
• Hellsing vol. 10 – Kohta Hirano
• Poison Study – Maria V. Snyder
• The Poe Shadow – Matthew Pearl
• Blockade Billy – Stephen King
• The Road – Cormac McCarthy
• The Animals of Farthing Wood – Colin Dann
• Just After Sunset – Stephen King
• Alice in Wonderland / Through the Looking Glass – Lewis Carroll
• The Wilkomirski Affair – Stefan Maechler
• Brave New World – Aldous Huxley
• Thinner – Stephen King as Richard Bachman
• The Passage – Justin Cronin
• Lament of the Lamb vol. 4 – Kei Toume
• Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell – Susanna Clarke
• Alice in the Country of Hearts vol. 1 – Soumei Hoshino
• A Study in Scarlet / Sign of the Four – Arthur Conan Doyle
• The Dark Half – Stephen King
• Storm Front – Jim Butcher
• Stephen King’s The Dark Tower: Battle of Jericho Hill [Marvel Graphic Novel]
• Burton & Swinburne in the Strange Affair of Spring-Heeled Jack – Mark Hodder
• The Dead Zone – Stephen King
• Lament of the Lamb vol. 5 – Kei Toume
• Lament of the Lamb vol. 6 – Kei Toume
• Vampire Hunter D: Pale Fallen Angel pts. 3 & 4 – Hideyuki Kikuchi
• Lament of the Lamb vol. 7 – Kei Toume
• Witches Abroad – Terry Pratchett
• The Invention of Hugo Cabret – Brian Selznick
• Blaze – Stephen King as Richard Bachman
• Let the Right One In – John Ajvide Lindqvist
• Fevre Dream – George R. R. Martin
• Black Butler vol. 1 – Yana Toboso
• Black Butler vol. 2 – Yana Toboso
• Whitechapel Gods – S. M. Peters
• Rose Madder – Stephen King
• Pet Sematary – Stephen King
• Alice in the Country of Hearts vol. 2 – Soumei Hoshino
• Alice in the Country of Hearts vol. 3 – Soumei Hoshino
• Alice in the Country of Hearts vol. 4 – Soumei Hoshino
• De Profundis – Oscar Wilde
• The Murders in the Rue Morgue – Edgar Allan Poe
• Christine – Stephen King
• Uprising – Scott G. Mariani
• The Beach – Alex Garland
• Shakespeare – Bill Bryson
• Hearts in Atlantis – Stephen King
• The Strain – Guillermo Del Toro & Chuck Hogan
• Labyrinth – Kate Mosse
• Full Dark, No Stars - Stephen King
• Black Butler vol. 3 – Yana Toboso
• Handling the Undead – John Ajvide Lindqvist
• The Two Towers – J.R.R. Tolkien
• The Return of the King – J.R.R. Tolkien
• The Children of Hurin – J.R.R. Tolkien
• A Christmas Carol – Charles Dickens
• Bag of Bones – Stephen King

Total books read in 2010: 85.

My Favourite Books in 2010

Burton & Swinburne in the Strange Affair of Spring-Heeled Jack – Mark Hodder

This is a fantastic debut novel that’s a mix of steampunk, alternate history and madcap adventure. Real-life explorer Richard Burton and libertine poet Algernon Swinburne star as the unlikely detectives looking to solve the mystery of a bizarre spring-heeled menace blighting Albertian London…this is the most fun I’ve had whilst reading. Look out for a memorable appearance by that delightful old ape, Charles Darwin. There’s a new Burton & Swinburne novel out in March, and oh, I cannot wait!

Titus Groan – Mervyn Peake

This is the first of three books by Peake that take place in and around the reclusive kingdom of Gormenghast. If you appreciate descriptive writing, you will not fail to adore this story – it is immaculate and beautiful in every way. I was instantly lost in the world of Titus and his entourage, and did not emerge until the last page of Titus Alone (and even then it was done so reluctantly). I can’t praise it enough. It’s a story light on occurrence but rich in character and breathtaking prose. Read it, love it, read it again, watch the fantastically low budget BBC adaptation, and be a convert for life.

The Road – Cormac McCarthy

Everybody was talking about this novel because of the film adaptation starring Viggo Mortensen, and I had to see what the hooplah was about. I have to say, it is beautifully written – I cried, laughed, recoiled and was dying for more throughout. It’s very short (you can read it in one sitting) but substantial enough to interest you in the rest of the author’s work, which this year I want to work my way through. Post-apocalyptic fiction at its most thoughtful.

Keats – Andrew Motion

He only lived for 25 years, which was enough. I don’t think you have to particularly enjoy his poetry, so long as you stop to appreciate his life and work rate – I’m an avid Byron fan but I still have a lot of love for Keats and his short but significant life. This biography was long but riveting; I was transported to Keats’s world. I cried at the end, and I’ll read it again, and I’ll hope to achieve just a sliver of what he managed in so few years.

The Secrets of the Chess Machine – Robert Lohr

This is a wonderful novel by a German author that I picked up on a whim at a discount book shop at the beginning of 2010. I wasn’t expecting much from a story about the real life enigma, the chess-playing automaton, but was pleasantly surprised – this is a funny, endearing and (most importantly) brilliantly written story about friendship, loyalty and, of course, chess. It was heart-warming and one I want to recommend to as many people as possible – it’s a lovely book with many witty moments, and if I hadn’t picked it up out of sheer curiosity, I’d have missed out on one of my new favourite books. Give it a try if you can find a copy.

Hairdressers

Can I start this off by saying NO OFFENCE, SOZ? No? Everybody knows a hairdresser, or somebody who wants to be one, or used to be one, or who is currently training to yield the honoured scissors…but no. I don’t believe that hairdressing is a skill or talent that one must study for. Some of us are good at wrapping presents but so far as I’m aware there is no need for a qualification in gift wrapping…yet. I’m probably wrong. Hairdressers are akin to unicorns in my mind: mythical creatures living in a forest somewhere, sippin’ on the ends of rainbows. Maybe the reason I don’t believe in them is because I haven’t been to see one for so long (I think I was 16 the last time I ventured through the doors). Maybe they were never there to begin with. Maybe, just maybe, I’m justified in saying that paying a human being anything over £10 to do something you can do to yourself for free is ridiculous. Goes for a lot of things in life, I suppose.

Microwaves

What a scary machine. It’s like a nuclear missile for your food. What’s wrong with waiting minutes more for it to cook in the oven? Is your life really so urgent and pressing? Are you really so bone idle? I used to eat microwave meals during my time at university, but since coming home I haven’t touched one, don’t own a machine and will never buy one. It tastes better if you stick it in the oven, anyway.

Forgiveness

This is where I start to sound hollow and dead inside. I believe in forgiving if you’re ready and willing, but I don’t believe in ‘letting it go’ for the sake of keeping the peace. That’s just as bad as picking a fight, sometimes. If you’re holding something against someone there’s usually a reason. Maybe you should stew on it like I do, becoming gradually more jaded as time goes by. Maybe we can be extremely angry together, you and I. I don’t think I could handle being completely happy…my best writing happens when I’m pissed off with something, or somebody, or myself. For art’s sake, and all that.

Apologies

I suppose this is related to the above. I tend to say sorry for every single little thing, like bumping into somebody in a shop, and I walk away and think “you know what, I ain’t sorry at all” – so why do I say it? It’s a knee-jerk reaction that’s just gotta stop, quite frankly. Because I’m not sorry in most situations I get myself into, and neither are you, so why lie? You don’t need to hear it and I rarely need to say it.

Coincidence

I always think about Signs, which is just about the only Shayamalan(?) film that I can cope with. “Do you see signs or do you see coincidences?” – I’ve never been a fan of the latter. I suppose this is where spiritual belief comes into effect, to some extent. If you believe in an ordered world, with reason and purpose, you might be more disposed to seeing signs everywhere, too. ‘Coincidence’, to me, is a cheap and convenient way of getting around what you can’t explain. I’m not saying I have a better explanation, but maybe it’s more than just chance? And maybe that’s okay?

Science

Don’t get me wrong, I accept that we breathe oxygen and that the sun is a swarming mass of hydrogen and that my body needs this, that and what-have-you to get by, because these are convenient little truths that make life easier, and I’ve been given no preferable alternative. But I don’t pin my hopes and dreams on science and equation. All scientists are human beings, and in the grand scheme of things, we probably don’t know very much at all. It’s often clever but it’s just like a pleasant  fireworks display to me. I appreciate the effort, and the results are often pleasing, but it’s all just sparks and sulphur. I can’t make myself interested in breakthrough.

Jargon

Has your manager ever reeled off a stream of nonsense at you, a verbal barrage so unnecessarily confusing that you’ve been left shaking in the corner, jabbering on about company hoohar and other such bullshit? Happens to us all. Jargon is another burden that modern language has to carry. If you’ve got news for me, tell it to me straight. Sometimes you just want a burger, without all the salad and dressing and mayonnaise and relish and onions and sesame seed bun and all else besides. KEEP IT SIMPLE, PEOPLE, IT’S GETTING RIDICULOUS.

The absence of manners

I do not think it impossible, nor indeed unreasonable, for any human being to be polite to another person. I will hold the door open for you if you are black, white, male, female, old, heavily pregnant, holding a can of cider, wearing an eyepatch or smelling of garlic. I don’t give a shit, I will hold that bleedin’ door til my hands fall off, because my mother taught me not to let it close in somebody’s face. I will say please and thank you whenever necessary. I will thank you when you let me cross the road (conversely I will swear at you if you drive by pretending not to see me, you twat – there’s no way you can’t see me standing on the curb with hair like this, don’t be ridiculous). I will be polite to you even though you might be a complete bastard to me, because I was raised to show respect, and because, at the end of the day, it will not kill me.

The future

Where will you be in five years? Do you want to get married and have kids? What are your job aspirations? Who do you most want to be like? Where do you want to take your next holiday? Why do you care? Why does it matter? Why are you so nosy? Why can’t you live in the moment and stop worrying about things that haven’t happened yet, and indeed may never happen at all? Why can’t we just try to be happy right now and stop ruining ourselves with all of these intrusive What Ifs and Why Nots? The future is coming a day at a time, and it will always come at that pace, so stop panicking. I want to enjoy myself every day, gosh darn the consequences, because for all I know I might not be here this time next week, and then what would I have worried for? The future is not a thing, it’s a possibility. Let it take you where it goes, see what happens.

Waiting

…and by this I simply mean that life goes fast, money doesn’t make me happy, I spend like it’s going outta fashion because whilst I’ve got it I might as well try to make myself and others happy with it…I don’t know. I try to live in the moment. Debt and stock markets and money just seem to fuck everything up and depress people. Money worries are like the mental equivalent of root canal surgery. You don’t have to be ignorant, but you could relax every now and again. And breathe.

“I believe in nothing but the beating of our hearts.”

A few things I do believe in:
- The healing properties of red grape juice
- The delicious flavour of red grape juice
- Supermarkets reducing the price of red grape juice whilst increasing carton size
- Britney Spears releasing a new album next year that I will listen to on the bus and know all the words to by the end of the first week of ownership OH YEAH
- Father Christmas as the literal big fat red bloke shimmying his way down chimneys, making himself sick on mince pies. What a sweet job.

Me and Naomi getting ready for the work Christmas party yesterday:

I don’t think I’ve ever seen her in a dress before? First time for everything! The party was alright, not enough 90′s pop music for my liking. Food was good, though. Crackin’ roast potatoes.

“VAMPIRE FICTION WHAT YOU MUST READ”

or

“VAMPIRE FICTION TO GORGE UPON, NIBBLE AT THE CORNERS OF OR LEAVE OUT FOR FERAL NEIGHBOURHOOD DOGS DEPENDING ON WHICH TITLE WE ARE CURRENTLY DISCUSSING, SET OUT FOR YOU IN AN EASY-TO-READ ILLUSTRATED POST THAT HAS TAKEN A LONG TIME TO CREATE AND CRAFT, LOVINGLY DONE SO WITHOUT ONCE MENTIONING TWILIGHT. OH, WAIT. JUST THE ONE MENTION, THEN.”

There is a lot of vampire fiction out there, with the number of published novels and series growing every day. We are riding a wave of fanged hysteria, so if you find yourself unintentionally reading a story about ghastly ghouls who crawl out of graveyards and bite innocent teenagers (whilst no doubt sparkling all over and brawling with…werewolves?) don’t be surprised. It’s unavoidable. With that in mind, not all of it’s good – if you’re going to try a vampire story, you might want to find one that’s recommended and somewhat worthwhile before you commit. You can trawl through Amazon and check out those coveted star ratings, OR – because you’re hangin’ on my every word here, I can just tell – you can read this post and cut through all the bullshit. This is by no means comprehensive – just a quick snapshot of an ever-expanding genre  – but depending on what exactly you like to get from reading, it can hopefully give you an idea of where to start (or, if like me you’re a verified vampire addict, an idea of where to head next).

All of the obvious bases and classics are covered (first publication dates are given in brackets), but who knows, maybe there’s an author here you haven’t tried yet? Let’s see now…

START AT THE BEGINNING…

If you haven’t read DRACULA by Bram Stoker (1897) then switch your bloody computer off and get started, for God’s sake. You’re either going to love it to (un)death or be bored to tears by it, but either way, it’s where you should look first because so much of what came since feeds off it. I, personally, think it’s one of the most wonderful books I’ve ever read – it preys on your mind without ever being reliant on scares, and the suspense is always threatening to catch up to you. It’s widely credited as the first vampire novel, but don’t prematurely dump all of your Gothic-Romance-Dark-Fantasy-related blame onto Stoker’s shoulders; his novel may be the most famous, but you can trace the roots of vampire fiction back even further. Wikipedia is probably a good place to go for a more precise list of early vampire literature, but my suggestion is THE VAMPYRE by John William Polidori (1819): the story is little more than a few pages, and any copy you buy will most likely come with other stories thrown in (the edition in the illustration contains other vampire fiction published at a similar time, by various others), but it’s worth the few minutes you’ll spend reading it. I wouldn’t say it’s a good story, but it’s fascinating to think that here could be the inspiration for Dracula, which has inspired countless writers since; Polidori’s Lord Ruthven is one of the earliest depictions of the vampire as an aristocrat, and not a monster. Of course, Polidori’s own inspiration is equally interesting – he was physician to Lord Byron, who is the thinly-veiled real-life equivalent of Ruthven. Lord Byron himself had written vampire-related poetry (read The Giaour, change your life, etc.) and has been subject to many rumours and theories of his own nocturnal activities. More on that later, though.

DESPERATELY SEEKING DECADENCE?

If you’ve seen the film adaptation, then you’ll already know how brilliant a character Lestat is (Tom Cruise is wonderful, don’t deny it). You shouldn’t need tempting further to read Anne Rice’s INTERVIEW WITH THE VAMPIRE (1976), and then go on to THE VAMPIRE LESTAT. They’re not the Holy Grail of vampire literature, but for the sheer feel and ceremony of the aristocratic vampire’s life, it’s a great place to start. It’s also a great series historically, as well – from Louisiana to all across Europe, the reader gets lost in the setting. I maintain that it’s a good series, the first few at least – and if you’ve already read and enjoyed them, then I command you to try FEVRE DREAM by George R. R. Martin (1982). I can’t sell this book to you, because if VAMPIRES ON A STEAMBOAT doesn’t do it for you, I guess nothing will. It is at once ridiculous, genius and heartbreaking.

THE MODERN VAMPIRE

If you don’t fancy Louisiana or centuries long since past, then have no fear – there are plenty of authors re-writing the vampire for the modern world. THE STRAIN by Guillermo del Toro and Chuck Hogan (2009) is one such example: an aeroplane lands at JFK airport, but the lights are off and everybody onboard appears to be dead. Sound intriguing? I was sceptical at first, but believe me, it’s quite a ride. It’s the first of a trilogy, the second of which just came out in hardback, so I don’t know how the second installment fares…but the first is certainly worth reading. Another update of the vampire myth came in the form of Justin Cronin’s much-hyped THE PASSAGE (2010), which again is the first of a new series.  I found the first part of the novel – 300 pages or so - absolutely spellbinding, and though it unfortunately went downhill for me after that, you still might want to give it a try if you’re hungry for something brand new and post-apocalyptic. Comparisons to The Stand are not justified, but it’s not as bad as UPRISING by Scott G. Mariani (2009) which deserves a special mention based purely on how shit it is. Not only do you have vampires with ridiculous names such as Olympia Angelopolis (I mean, really?), you also have to contend with torrents of bad language, Jason Statham-standard dialogue and about as much tension and suspense as a race between two recently expired snails. The only upside to it is that it’s completely brainless, so you don’t have to think too hard about anything, let alone what might happen next, and it’s pacy so the torture is over quickly. Every genre in existence is a minefield, so if you’re looking to traipse into the world of the 21st Century vampire, the first two novels are far better options!

NEEDS MORE HISTORY

Writing a vampire story is a great excuse to lose yourself in research – the vampire myth goes back impossibly far, so there’s plenty to read up on. THE HISTORIAN by Elizabeth Kostova (2005) is an aptly-titled vampire story which revisits The Drac and also roots itself firmly in the myths and mystery of real-life vampirism. This is a meticulously researched and thorough novel that, as well as keeping me entertained, also taught me a lot about European history! If you loved Dracula, it’s a beautiful homage and natural follow-up. Returning to the subject of Lord Byron, you might also be interested in Tom Holland’s THE VAMPYRE (1995), another of my personal favourites. It fictionalises Byron’s life and re-tells it as if he were a vampire – which sounds mad because, of course, he was. I’m partial to a bit of alternate history, so I loved it, and the follow-up SUPPING WITH PANTHERS (1996) again goes after Byron, this time with Jack the Ripper thrown in for good measure…

SEEN IT? READ IT

You can’t have a post about vampires without mentioning ‘SALEM’S LOT by Stephen King (1975). Barlow is one scary son-of-a-bitch – and if you’ve seen the TV adaptations both old and new, you’ll enjoy his literary equivalent even more. A very current example would be LET THE RIGHT ONE IN by John Ajvide Lindqvist (2004, translated 2007), which is currently doing the rounds as a Hollywood remake under the title Let Me In. I haven’t seen either of the films, so I can’t comment on that side of things, but I can tell you that the book is gloriously messed up and excessively gory in all the right places – just as a decent horror novel should be. It’s also extremely provocative and will be one you find yourself thinking about long after you’ve reached the last page.

THE LIST GOES EVER ON AND ON

You’ve already got plenty to think about, but it can’t hurt to mention a few more titles to slake your thirst, sate your appetite, etc., etc. (the well of vampire puns is truly a bottomless pit). For the younger reader I’d say the first three books in THE SAGA OF DARREN SHAN by Darren Shan (2000)  are harmless fun. It’s not groundbreaking, and from Book 4 onwards it gets very silly very fast, but it’d be a good starting point for a teenager looking for an entryway into vampire fiction. If you’re looking for another classic, VARNEY THE VAMPIRE by James Malcolm Rymer (1847) is just about as classic as they come…from there you could then go down the “modern classic” route and read Matheson’s I AM LEGEND (1954) and Lumley’s legendary NECROSCOPE series (1986). For something more humorous you can always rely on Terry Pratchett – CARPE JUGULUM (1998) is one of my favourite Discworld stories (though I’ve neglected to include a picture of the cover – my bad). Finally, for something new, brilliant and set in Russia, there’s TWELVE by Jasper Kent (2009) – and he doesn’t just sneak onto this list because of his surname.

…There we go! Have you already read any of these books? Like anything that I loathed, love anything that I hate? Know something even better I should read, because really, I’d love some ideas?!

Hope that was interesting to somebody out there!

(Of course, this is in no particular order! I’m shite at making decisions!)

Enter Shikar – Gap in the Fence
I absolutely LOVE this song. It’s not what you might expect from this band. I think the lyrics are beautiful, and when it kicks in, it’s amazing. True story.

Backstreet Boys – Straight Through My Heart (Soldier Down)
You can’t beat a bit of quality pop music. BSB’s new song is so good. Look past the somewhat dodgy video, if you can.

BoA – Energetic
She’s hot, she is an amazing dancer, she’s Korean, she’s desperately trying to sing in English. I love it.

Avenged Sevenfold – Brompton Cocktail
This is easily the best song off their most recent album. I also think these are some of their best lyrics to date.

Kevin Rudolf – I Song
I like this because it’s really chilled out and easy to listen to. I actually really like this guy’s record, I’m glad I bought it on a whim that one time.

#1 – RAFAEL NADAL (Spain)

There might be prettier faces in the business, but there’s no better competitor, and goddamn, is that hot! Rafa is serious, determined and downright mean on court, and then as soon as he steps off, he’s a humble sweetheart, who’s still afraid of the dark (and lives with mum!). Aww! It’s impossible not to love this guy. Great spirit, great role model, great athlete, great player – and hey, there’s nothing wrong with a little bit of arm porn.

#2 – FELICIANO LOPEZ (Spain)

Men wanna bed this guy, and women wanna be him. His face is just so annoyingly pretty. I mean, look at him! Sure, he’s an inconsistent, unreliable, poor excuse for a player sometimes, but he’s also beautiful beyond comprehension! (Hey, nobody’s perfect Felicity, I accept you as you are!)

#3 – FERNANDO VERDASCO (Spain)

Rounding out our trio of Enviable Spanish Beauty is Nando, who’s got more double faults than Dinara Safina on Grand Slam Finals’ day. I kid, kid! Sure, he probably could play better than he does at times, but that’s okay! Nando’s got his rivals whipped when it comes to his cheeky grin, dark eyes and impeccably styled hair.

#4 – MARAT SAFIN (Russia)

It’s a true shame that Marat is leaving the tour this year. He’s a real character that will be sorely missed for years to come. His charm is in his unpredictable nature, both on and off the court. He’s got a rugged look about him, too, which is a refreshing change in a sport filled with pretty boys!

#5 – MARIO ANCIC (Croatia)

Whether the illness-prone Croatian is hot is debatable, but he sure is cute! Baby Goran is also extremely intelligent, and recently graduated from university with a degree in law! Good looks, athletic, great talent and brains? And you said it wasn’t possible!

#6 – JUAN MONACO (Argentina)

This guy has no good photos on Google whatsoever, but trust me, he’s a looker! He’s one of those “under the radar” players that hasn’t ever hit the headlines, but he’s always nice to watch (for various reasons).

#7 – SIMONE BOLELLI (Italy)

With his bad-boy earring, he might come across as a bit of a poser, but if nothing else, Simone is certainly easy on the eye. He’s an up-and-coming player who, like Monaco, hasn’t caused much fuss thus far, and that’s a true shame. It wouldn’t be a bad thing to see more of him around!

#8 – DAVID FERRER (Spain)

You didn’t seriously think we’d make it to the bottom of the list without mention of another Spaniard, did you? David is another fine example of why Spanish players are always the most interesting. Sure, he’s inconsistent and frustrating to watch, but check out those killer cheekbones! If you need further confirmation of his hotness, google his Spanish Elle photoshoot, where he is joined by good friends Felicity Lopez, Fernando Verdasco and Tommy Robredo. It’s impossible to be disappointed.

#9 – JANKO TIPSAREVIC (Serbia)

Janko comes across as a tortured soul, and that’s exactly why he’s on the list. He’s the very definition of ‘tall, dark & handsome’, and only adds to these attractive qualities with his philosophical musing whilst on court. He’s also got a very nice set of tattoos, should you care to look them up.

#10 – ANDY RODDICK (USA)

Again, you could easily find a prettier face, but Roddick’s appeal is in his typical, all-American charm. He’s funny, unpredictable, endearing and exciting all at once. You’re never bored when you’re watching Andy play, even if he’s just getting beaten by Federer (again)! He’s a right character, and once you get past the copious amounts of sweat, he does have a certain something that sets him apart from the rest.

So, there you have it, ten very good reasons to stick with the tennis, next time it’s on! I’m sure there are lots of Federer fans out there (and Djokovic fans, too, if he has any) who would like to change up this list a fair bit, but I’ve gotta stick to my guns and be honest with my opinions. Maybe I’ll do a list of the sport’s top ten absolute munters, just to balance out all the attractiveness this blog has generated.